I'm painting this picture. It started off as such a beautiful painting. The colors, the characters, the scene told a beautiful story. Looking at that picture now, the colors are all wrong, the characters distorted and who knows what the scene really is. I don't know how to fix this abstract painting, but I know it looks nothing how it should. Who is responsible? Am I responsible as the painter? Are the colors responsible for running? What about the characters? Maybe they just never belonged there in the first place.
Should I crumple it up, throw it in the garbage and start over? This painting isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. My life isn't perfect and I'm not always right. Is that reason enough to just give up and start over again? Or is there something to be learned through it?
Could I have gotten it all wrong? Maybe. Could this be part of the bigger picture? Probably.
I guess the real task is to find the beauty behind the imperfect mess. To see what doesn't show right away. To understand the heart you can't see, and to trust the love you don't understand. This painting is beautiful, I just can't see it yet.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Follower
Sitting here in my new room, with all my post-its of things to do, my dried flowers and some cold coffee trying to figure out exactly what I'm here for. It's cold, it's windy, it's wet ... I have an essay to write staring me in the face, an insane amount of reading to do ... and I should probably also vacuum. Probably why I'm writing this blog.
Coming to this school was kind of scary. I was a little nervous but excited to meet new people. So far, I've only met a few people and they all have something in common. They're self proclaiming followers. NOW, that sounds awesome, I'm a follower too man!! I followed God all the way to Manicolda (hah, see what I did there... cuz its cold?! ok). I was wrong; the word follower they were using referred to a different sort of following... Following what other people taught them. That doesn't seem that bad either, except that now all the people I met feel stuck. They are stagnant Christians (gross!). They came to this school incredibly on fire, but through learning and engaging in this school, for all it's worth, ended up losing that spark. One of the guys I spoke to explained that when he got here his faith was on "fire". He was leading worship, praying in tongues and just crazy in love with Christ... now he says he's stopped adding wood to that fire and is kind of just poking at it, sometimes. That is a scary image for me. They all said the same thing to me "There are two kinds of people, followers and leaders ... Some don't think they're a follower until they start to forget who they were and start to believe everything they're told ... You're a leader, be careful". Theology can either make or break people. A lot of the teachers seem to "accidentally" take all the fun out of being a follower of Christ. Christianity isn't boring, it's incredible and full of opportunity... Being taught theology can sometimes threaten that. That scares me, theology is 1/2 my major. Oh man. All this got me thinking, there are two kinds of people in the world, followers and leaders. I don't think either are bad when used in the right sense. God does not call everyone to lead, if he did we would not have as many groups as we do. However, each person has their own faith. Regardless of who you are in the grand scheme of things, who you are in Christ should have very little to do with who people tell you to be. If your faith can be so easily shaken, you have some serious growing to do. Surround yourself with people who hunger for God just as much if not more than you do, put time aside every day to read the Word and pray. Even when you feel you have nothing to say, sit back, relax and listen. Put on some worship music, lay on the couch, close your eyes and dedicate that time to Christ. Whatever it is that makes you feel close to God, do it, daily. And until you can say I am so sure of who I am in Christ, or who Christ is & what he wants from you, take my advice, don't go to bible college (unless knowledge is all you are after, and you can separate head from heart... that's a different blog!). Christ is exactly the same as when you first met him, don't forget how awesome you knew he was. How, when you fell, He was there to pick you up. How even at your darkest stages you could feel that you weren't alone. How the world was different as soon as you asked to have eyes to see. Don't take your relationship with Christ passively or you end up poking at a flame that desperately needs more wood.
Be a follower of Christ, not a follower of people. No matter how hard you try, if you're following Christ, people aren't going to like you. Satan hates you. It's not an easy life. Every corner is laced with obstacles. If you go right, you're faced with something; if you go left, you're faced with something else; but remember, God is with you no matter which way you choose.
Isaiah 30:21
Coming to this school was kind of scary. I was a little nervous but excited to meet new people. So far, I've only met a few people and they all have something in common. They're self proclaiming followers. NOW, that sounds awesome, I'm a follower too man!! I followed God all the way to Manicolda (hah, see what I did there... cuz its cold?! ok). I was wrong; the word follower they were using referred to a different sort of following... Following what other people taught them. That doesn't seem that bad either, except that now all the people I met feel stuck. They are stagnant Christians (gross!). They came to this school incredibly on fire, but through learning and engaging in this school, for all it's worth, ended up losing that spark. One of the guys I spoke to explained that when he got here his faith was on "fire". He was leading worship, praying in tongues and just crazy in love with Christ... now he says he's stopped adding wood to that fire and is kind of just poking at it, sometimes. That is a scary image for me. They all said the same thing to me "There are two kinds of people, followers and leaders ... Some don't think they're a follower until they start to forget who they were and start to believe everything they're told ... You're a leader, be careful". Theology can either make or break people. A lot of the teachers seem to "accidentally" take all the fun out of being a follower of Christ. Christianity isn't boring, it's incredible and full of opportunity... Being taught theology can sometimes threaten that. That scares me, theology is 1/2 my major. Oh man. All this got me thinking, there are two kinds of people in the world, followers and leaders. I don't think either are bad when used in the right sense. God does not call everyone to lead, if he did we would not have as many groups as we do. However, each person has their own faith. Regardless of who you are in the grand scheme of things, who you are in Christ should have very little to do with who people tell you to be. If your faith can be so easily shaken, you have some serious growing to do. Surround yourself with people who hunger for God just as much if not more than you do, put time aside every day to read the Word and pray. Even when you feel you have nothing to say, sit back, relax and listen. Put on some worship music, lay on the couch, close your eyes and dedicate that time to Christ. Whatever it is that makes you feel close to God, do it, daily. And until you can say I am so sure of who I am in Christ, or who Christ is & what he wants from you, take my advice, don't go to bible college (unless knowledge is all you are after, and you can separate head from heart... that's a different blog!). Christ is exactly the same as when you first met him, don't forget how awesome you knew he was. How, when you fell, He was there to pick you up. How even at your darkest stages you could feel that you weren't alone. How the world was different as soon as you asked to have eyes to see. Don't take your relationship with Christ passively or you end up poking at a flame that desperately needs more wood.
Be a follower of Christ, not a follower of people. No matter how hard you try, if you're following Christ, people aren't going to like you. Satan hates you. It's not an easy life. Every corner is laced with obstacles. If you go right, you're faced with something; if you go left, you're faced with something else; but remember, God is with you no matter which way you choose.
Isaiah 30:21
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Exodus 14:14
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still"
This is not my battle. This is not my life.
Something so beautiful in losing myself to bring the Lord glory.
I've given back what is rightfully His. I wish to be nothing more than a servant. A follower of the King of Kings. I will never forget my first love.
Thank you Lord, for being a scandalously good King.
This is not my battle. This is not my life.
Something so beautiful in losing myself to bring the Lord glory.
I've given back what is rightfully His. I wish to be nothing more than a servant. A follower of the King of Kings. I will never forget my first love.
Thank you Lord, for being a scandalously good King.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
maybe, just maybe ...
This is how it's supposed to be.
I'm scared of so many things that mean nothing. I'm scared of being alone, though it's only been 4 months. I'm scared of saying the wrong thing, though the right thing is what is going to get me in trouble. I'm scared of not being invited places I don't want to go, not having nice things, not being funny, not being mature ...
What I should be scared about is not honoring my Lord and Saviour. Really, all things are meaningless if I do not honor He who brings them to me.
I'll start today the way I should, with Ephesians 5: 1-21.
I'm scared of so many things that mean nothing. I'm scared of being alone, though it's only been 4 months. I'm scared of saying the wrong thing, though the right thing is what is going to get me in trouble. I'm scared of not being invited places I don't want to go, not having nice things, not being funny, not being mature ...
What I should be scared about is not honoring my Lord and Saviour. Really, all things are meaningless if I do not honor He who brings them to me.
I'll start today the way I should, with Ephesians 5: 1-21.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Girl
I'm in a tough spot. This friend I have doesn't appreciate what she has. I'm not saying I'm awesome or anything but she's always searching for something more. More excitement, wanting to be on the "inside" of everything. She thinks she's too old, when really she's perfectly fine hanging out with people of any age but is embarrassed to admit it. She's young, she's beautiful, she tries to put God first and she has friends but it's just not enough. I'm not saying its bad to dream, but it's not okay to look at what you have and deam it not good enough. This is all temporary, you know. Being here, isn't your forever. I wish she knew that when she does become the center of attention, the "in" girl, everyones party friend that she'll lose herself. She might be the first one called for everything, the comedic relief, but if her intention is to glorify God, she's not going to be able to. You don't know how alone you can be until you are in the "in" crowd. Bad company corrupts good behavior my dear. I don't know what you want, but what you have isn't that bad. I might strike you as a "loner" myself, but I'm okay with that. I have many friends back home, this isn't my home. It never will be. I never needed many friends, I never wanted to be the center of attention, and I'm okay not being called first... Why? Because for the most part I like who I am. Sometimes being on the outside is what makes you special. And as far as finding where you click, once you put yourself out there and like who you are, it won't be hard to find. You're focusing on all the wrong things, we should be focusing on God, not on finding that special guy, finding a place to fit in ... Our focus should be on finishing school, being independant and able to handle your own life. Finish school, God calls us to be the best we can be at what we are doing; Read your bible and find yourself. You're not happy because you don't know who you are. She's in there, she's growing up, don't be afraid to change but don't lose what you believe in, and who you are in Christ. There's a whole world out there, but you have to be ready for it. You have the confidence of a stallion, use it. This town is a hard town to be accepted in. Why? Because you don't party ... Why? Because you live for something much more, much more beautiful, that has already given you eternal life. Don't trade it for a world you're not part of. Make your world a world you want to be part of. And as for not being kissed goodnight, it will come. Not being excited, it will also come. Patience IS bitter, but its fruits are sweet. I don't want you to supress your emotions, because that's supressing you, but don't give up yet. Things change when you least expect it. I promise that you have a friend you can trust in me, but find the friend you can trust in yourself. Youre life isn't meaningless, and you'll never know how many people you've touched. Just give up the steering for a while, it's not healthy to constantly be in the drivers seat.
I don't want to insult you, I just want you to see what I see. I see a young girl searching, just make sure you're searching for the right things. It'll come, despite what you may believe, you are young, and you have signed on to live for a bigger purpose. I promise, it will come.
I don't want to insult you, I just want you to see what I see. I see a young girl searching, just make sure you're searching for the right things. It'll come, despite what you may believe, you are young, and you have signed on to live for a bigger purpose. I promise, it will come.
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